रिश्ते….

रिश्ते कभी भी कुदरती मौत नहीं मरते।
इनको हमेशा इंसान ही क़त्ल करता है।
कभी नफ़रत से,
कभी नजरअंदाजी से,
तो कभी, गलतफ़हमीयों से!
और कभी कभी एक इन्सान की बेबस ख़ामोशी से
दूसरा इन्सान ये समझने लगता है की उसने क़त्ल कर दिया
…………………………………………… एक रिश्ते का ..

~Dushyant

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Dost ban ban ke mile

dost ban-banke mile muJhko mitaane waale
maine dekhe haiN kaI rang badalane waale
tumne chup rehkar sitam aur bhee Dhaayaa mujhpar
tumse achchhe haiN mere haal pe haNsne waale

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.I Miss you…

At the moment I have little thing to say, but this little means a lot, because everything I feel now means nothing else that I am missing you. I miss you so much that hurts…

I wish I could be with you,to hug you tightly, to feel your breath close to mine, see the sunshine through your eyes, to feel the heat of your hand in my hand…I miss your voice…like in my dreams I imagine holding your hands with the intertwined fingers..I am longing for your skin and your sweet way of looking at me.

I’m finally sticking to my word. It is so damn hard but I’m doing it. ******. I cant tell you how many times I have had to stop myself from reaching out to you. I just keep chanting, ‘Do not go, Do not go’, over and over in my head. It super sucks. I hate that I cant stop thinking of you. I hate that there are so many moments each day that tears spring to my eyes because of something that has reminded me of US. The worst is when I’m not alone and this happens. I’m getting pretty good at faking it again.

I’m turning into a cry in the shower kind of girl lately and I’m okay with that,  it keeps me sane and that is a good thing.

I guess that is all I got right now.

Weird because I was sure this would be a novel but turns out I don’t want to sit here and wallow in my loneliness anymore. I’m pretty sure I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m letting you go, not that it makes the it hurt any less but at least I am trying.I don’t want to hurt you, don’t want to create issues for you, but yes I don’t want to lose you as well But I think I am loosing you day by day ..night by night…

Thank You for everything..Time I have spent with you was and will always be the best and no one …No one can fill out the space I have for you in my heart..in my life…I can feel like you are looking at me, scolding me, holding my hand, Hugging me…Oh God…So much you have given ……I Miss you…

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The Good Men of India

IN India today, the rapes of women, from children to grandmothers, are daily news. Frothy television programs on sentimentalized family values are interrupted by advertisements for a new smartphone app: VithU, which allows women in danger, at a double press of a power button, to send an S O S alert with their location to predesignated friends and family members.

Universities are debating requiring students to abandon jeans and adopt formal dress codes, as though the trappings of civilization are needed to hold at bay the anarchy of sexual violence. Twelve-year-old schoolgirls are attending rape awareness seminars, in a death of innocence.

Indian cities are awash with feral men, untethered from their distant villages, divorced from family and social structure, fighting poverty, exhausted, denied access to regular female companionship, adrift on powerful tides of alcohol and violent pornography, newly exposed to the smart young women of the cities, with their glistening jobs and clothes and casual independence — and not able to respond to any of it in a safe, civilized manner. This is the world of women under siege, the medieval world of the walking undead, the rise of the zombies, targeting females rich and poor. For women, at least, winter is coming.

In this context, it might appear odd to examine any other variant of the Indian male. But it is important to do so and to do so now. To bear witness to an alternate male reality that also pervades India on a daily basis.

This is what I witnessed on a recent flight from Kolkata to Bangalore. The plane was typical of budget air travel: full of businessmen and mothers. The smart flight attendants were young men. The pilot, captain of the flight deck, was a woman. This is not an uncommon combination in India these days. I was struck instead by the behavior of the male passengers.

In most countries, a woman clambering aboard a plane with a fretful infant and turning a crowded row of six into a de facto row of seven is usually met with hostility. Here, every other row seemed larded with these women and their babies. But those stuffy Indian businessmen — men of middle management, dodging bottles and diaper bags and carelessly flung toys — they didn’t grumble. Instead, up and down the plane, I saw them helping. Holding babies so that mothers could eat. Burping infants and entertaining toddlers. Not because they knew these women, but because being concerned and engaged was their normal mode of social behavior. So, I will say this — Indian men can also be among the kindest in the world.

Women know this. When I asked my friends and acquaintances — both Indian and expatriate — about their perceptions of Indian men, they mentioned intelligence, wit and a reverence for learning. Others described gregarious partners who knew how to relax and enjoy themselves. All of them talked about commitment and caring. One said, “I love that he is deeply concerned about his parents.” An Englishwoman said of her long-term Indian partner, “He makes me feel cherished and taken care of in a manner I never experienced in the U.K.” Another said of her father, “He supported my mother through their marriage, through her job, with the kids, her health, everything.” A 16-year-old schoolgirl echoed this: “You feel safe with them. No matter what, they will see you home safely.”

Strong familial commitment is not a phenomenon restricted to the urban middle classes. Migrant laborers care for wives and children, and still send money home to their parents. The young woman who was gang-raped on a New Delhi bus on Dec. 16 had a village-raised father who supported her ardently. This part of the story is so unsurprising, it rarely makes the news.

Let me introduce the Common Indian Male, a category that deserves taxonomic recognition: committed, concerned, cautious; intellectually curious, linguistically witty; socially gregarious, endearingly awkward; quick to laugh, slow to anger. Frequently spotted in domestic circles, traveling in a family herd. He has been sighted in sari shops and handbag stores, engaged in debating his spouse’s selection with the sons and daughters who trail behind. There is, apparently, no domestic decision that is not worthy of his involvement.

There is a telling phrase that best captures the Indian man in a relationship — whether as lover, parent or friend: not “I love you” but “Main hoon na.” It translates to “I’m here for you” but is better explained as a hug of commitment — “Never fear, I’m here.” These are men for whom commitment is a joy, a duty and a deep moral anchor.

At its excessive worst, this sensibility can produce annoyances: a sentimentalized addiction to Mummy; concern that becomes judgmental and stifling; and a proud or oversensitive emotional landscape.

But when it is at its best, the results, in women’s lives, speak for themselves. If the image of the Indian female as victim is true, so, too, is its converse: the Indian woman who coexists as a strong survivor, as conqueror, as worshiped goddess made flesh. Indian women have served as prime minister and president. They head banks and large corporations. They are formidable politicians, religious heads, cultural icons, judges, athletes and even godmothers of crime.

Modern India has a muscular democracy and a growing economy, both of which have significantly transformed the lives of women. But female success, in a place like India with complicated social structures and a tradition of the Old Uncle Network, doesn’t happen in isolation. A successful woman is very likely to have had a supportive male in her life: a father, a spouse, a friend, a mentor.

For his part, the Indian male, when nested in family and community, is part of a domestic tapestry that is intricately woven and vital, it seems, to his own sense of well-being. Take that away from him, hurl him away — and a possible result is a man unmoored, lost, adrift and, potentially, a danger to himself and to his world. Disconnection causes social disengagement and despair — and the behavior that is the product of alienation and despair.

Lavanya Sankaran is the author of the novel “The Hope Factory.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/20/opinion/sunday/the-good-men-of-india.html?_r=0

 

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Thank you…

Well, I don’t know when it started, but I do know It started long time back may be when I was ten, or may be before that or even it might possible it started the day I born. Since then I had so many dreams, some come true, some didn’t and still I am having many in myself. During this journey which have been through many people came in my life, some are still there, many lessons I have learned and so many things have changed but I am same, same like I was in my school, same like I was in my college and same I was always in my Mom lap. But, why I am writing all this today, may be because I haven’t written anything in longtime, or may be I want to, but No reason is something else. Way more than anything near to me can think of. I think I am not one of those people who never have dreams, or never remember them. Every time I fall asleep I have a dream and can replay it in my mind over and over again. People can say I only dream, they might be right, But let me tell you I do love dreaming and Yes I have travelled a long way to accomplish some of those dreams.

Sometimes I have doubt in myself, what actually is a dream and what can be a vision. Can dream could be visions? I have no opinion to whether I am a psychic, or whether my dreams are just coincidence. But Yes I feel happy when what I think to achieve and what I dreamt of become true. since last two weeks I was having a kind of relieve may be because I got my first Job, in United States , or may be it is something good I have seen in last three years in this country which we say is land of opportunities and dreams. I will not write here all my failures I have faced in last ten years you can say, I will say as failure because Whatever I acheive or got in these ten years was not absolutely same which I want but Yes I took them and I am sometime feel proud on myself I did my best in those circumstances and People who were part of all that can prove with yes on it. I always read many articles on give your best, help people, do good for others and keep moving..keep motivating and keep dreaming. I felt this in last 3 months more than anytime in last ten years. I am not saying I have acheived everything or all I don ‘t have any more dreams, But I am saying how a total stranger, whom I never met till today, whom I never seen can help me in motivating, supporting and helping me in achieving my first ever Industry experience in this new starnge land of United States. She is awesome, She is great, She is professional, she is helpful, she is reliable, she is someone I can say I can trust here. Even though she is a mother of two beautiful girls, even though she has so much to do and work , even though she was too busy in office hours, she always took out time for me and she was always around when I need to talk when I had many doubts, when I was demotivated, she always listen to me politely and motivated me helped me and supported me in all best way she could. Thank you will only be a word which I can say, because I don’t have anything else in my dictionary whcih can express what she has done.

Whenever I think about that fantastic lady will be less and short. I believe whoever has said there are still many good people on this earth who always help people around them and support them to raise their life. For me She is that person. I was so confused and scared because I didn’t know anyone here and many of my friends were like me who don’t know about how to do and manage things. Because of so many things i was always having many questions, I know I think alot and think pros and cons on everything which make me slow in taking decisions, but I will salute this great inspiring lady who always listen and answer those queries. I want to say Thank You for being there for me through some of the most difficult times in my life. Your assistance has been invaluable to me during this process. I still remember and will always cherish thos memories which I have when you care for total strangerwhen he was not well, how you suggest medicines and what to eat and not and become doctor for me, My mom would have done the same I know. I know how you become mentor, teacher, friend, now I would say you become important member in my life. Thank you. I greatly appreciate your generosity.Thank you for making time for me, even on your busiest days. Without You and your help, Motivating words, I know it will never going to happened and I think I would have never got the job. You are very nice person and you are very good in what you are doing. I would say you are best in your work and I have not seen anyone like you before. I can only pray to GOD for your and your family well being and you all stay blessed, stay happy always. I am looking forward to meet you in person and Yes I will be thankful to you for all your generoisity throughout my life. THANK YOU…..

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Losing Is Good for You

AS children return to school this fall and sign up for a new year’s worth of extracurricular activities, parents should keep one question in mind. Whether your kid loves Little League or gymnastics, ask the program organizers this: “Which kids get awards?” If the answer is, “Everybody gets a trophy,” find another program.
Jennifer Heuer, Photographs courtesy of CSA Images/Getty Images

Trophies were once rare things — sterling silver loving cups bought from jewelry stores for truly special occasions. But in the 1960s, they began to be mass-produced, marketed in catalogs to teachers and coaches, and sold in sporting-goods stores.

Today, participation trophies and prizes are almost a given, as children are constantly assured that they are winners. One Maryland summer program gives awards every day — and the “day” is one hour long. In Southern California, a regional branch of the American Youth Soccer Organization hands out roughly 3,500 awards each season — each player gets one, while around a third get two. Nationally, A.Y.S.O. local branches typically spend as much as 12 percent of their yearly budgets on trophies.

It adds up: trophy and award sales are now an estimated $3 billion-a-year industry in the United States and Canada.

Po Bronson and I have spent years reporting on the effects of praise and rewards on kids. The science is clear. Awards can be powerful motivators, but nonstop recognition does not inspire children to succeed. Instead, it can cause them to underachieve.

Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford University, found that kids respond positively to praise; they enjoy hearing that they’re talented, smart and so on. But after such praise of their innate abilities, they collapse at the first experience of difficulty. Demoralized by their failure, they say they’d rather cheat than risk failing again.

In recent eye-tracking experiments by the researchers Bradley Morris and Shannon Zentall, kids were asked to draw pictures. Those who heard praise suggesting they had an innate talent were then twice as fixated on mistakes they’d made in their pictures.

By age 4 or 5, children aren’t fooled by all the trophies. They are surprisingly accurate in identifying who excels and who struggles. Those who are outperformed know it and give up, while those who do well feel cheated when they aren’t recognized for their accomplishments. They, too, may give up.

It turns out that, once kids have some proficiency in a task, the excitement and uncertainty of real competition may become the activity’s very appeal.

If children know they will automatically get an award, what is the impetus for improvement? Why bother learning problem-solving skills, when there are never obstacles to begin with?

If I were a baseball coach, I would announce at the first meeting that there would be only three awards: Best Overall, Most Improved and Best Sportsmanship. Then I’d hand the kids a list of things they’d have to do to earn one of those trophies. They would know from the get-go that excellence, improvement, character and persistence were valued.

It’s accepted that, before punishing children, we must consider their individual levels of cognitive and emotional development. Then we monitor them, changing our approach if there’s a negative outcome. However, when it comes to rewards, people argue that kids must be treated identically: everyone must always win. That is misguided. And there are negative outcomes. Not just for specific children, but for society as a whole.

In June, an Oklahoma Little League canceled participation trophies because of a budget shortfall. A furious parent complained to a local reporter, “My children look forward to their trophy as much as playing the game.” That’s exactly the problem, says Jean Twenge, author of “Generation Me.”

Having studied recent increases in narcissism and entitlement among college students, she warns that when living rooms are filled with participation trophies, it’s part of a larger cultural message: to succeed, you just have to show up. In college, those who’ve grown up receiving endless awards do the requisite work, but don’t see the need to do it well. In the office, they still believe that attendance is all it takes to get a promotion.

In life, “you’re going to lose more often than you win, even if you’re good at something,” Ms. Twenge told me. “You’ve got to get used to that to keep going.”

When children make mistakes, our job should not be to spin those losses into decorated victories. Instead, our job is to help kids overcome setbacks, to help them see that progress over time is more important than a particular win or loss, and to help them graciously congratulate the child who succeeded when they failed. To do that, we need to refuse all the meaningless plastic and tin destined for landfills. We have to stop letting the Trophy-Industrial Complex run our children’s lives.

This school year, let’s fight for a kid’s right to lose.

Credit: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/25/opinion/losing-is-good-for-you.html?smid=fb nytimes&WT.z_sma=OP_LIG_20130925&_r=0

Ashley Merryman is the author, with Po Bronson, of “NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children” and “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing.”

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Do good, Bring Good and You will be better…..

This is Dedicated to one of my very good friend, who always keep on helping others and always tried to motivate them to fulfill their dreams. You are the best! This one is totally for You!!!! Thank you for giving me proud moment to say  I am your friend..

“A superior leader is a person who can bring ordinary people together to achieve extraordinary results.” Many years ago, an entrepreneur told me that. He was right.

But this isn’t just true of leaders. It’s true of all human beings.

I’ve come to believe that the most valuable talent is being able to recognize hidden skills that others possess. Why? There’s only one you, and you only have so much time. But if you can bring out the best in others, you gain remarkable leverage.

So very hard…

I’m not just talking about recognizing talent. I’m talking about being able to recognize a look in someone’s eyes that tells you something valuable is burning inside that person.

I’m talking about realizing that if you take Jake’s drive, mix it with Julie’s intelligence and Dave’s creativity, then you will transform three mildly effective people into a spectacular team.

I’m talking about looking past what’s “wrong” with others, and instead seeing what’s special about them in very pragmatic and actionable terms.

How do you do this?

Here’s a short list of ways you can bring out the best in others:

1.) Let your gaze – and your attention – linger. Instead of rushing past a person, or barely acknowledging their existence, you could choose to stop and really look into their eyes. Look at their body language. Consider what they are NOT saying and NOT doing. Ask yourself why.

Consider two possibilities. One is that they have more value to add, but are unwilling (yet) to show greater initiative. Another is that they lack the confidence to utilize their “hidden” talents in a public fashion. Then look for ways to offer motivation and support.

2.) Magnify the quietest voices. Money, power, and influence often flow towards the loudest voices in an organization – but sometimes the quietest voices possess the best answers. Can you think of a way to magnify the quiet voices?

For example, I once visited an organization and was greeted by dozens of outgoing, warm people. But one young woman sat quietly in a corner, studying a book. It turned out she had recently moved from China, and did not yet have a strong mastery of English. But she was a genius, had performed at Carnegie Hall as a teenager, and had both a broader and deeper perspective than virtually everyone in the room.

Think about ways you can identify and encourage these quiet gems.

3.) Mix things up. Watch for opportunities to create non-intuitive combinations of people, ideas and circumstances. You can do this through social events, discussion groups, or even a carefully orchestrated meeting. You can do this by introducing people via email, and giving them a reason to interact.

Many times, we make the mistake of waiting for others to initiate change. You might be thinking: this isn’t my job, I’m not head of the department/division/company. Anyone can do this, and no matter who does it, that person is cultivating the amazing skill of bringing out the best in others.

4.) Look past your own biases. Most of us are drawn to certain types of people. They might be like us, or they might simply be people who like us.

If all you do is to follow your natural instincts, then you will be blind to most of the talent on Earth. You need to cultivate an appreciation for people who think, act, and feel differently than you. This is a tremendously difficult challenge.

One way to start is to make others feel important by listening, really hard – with 100% of your attention – to what they have to say. Then repeat back what they told you, so that they know you understood. It’s a small step, but an important one in the right direction.

If you only interact with people who are within your comfort zone, you will seldom achieve anything great. Almost by definition, spectacular progress requires disparate ideas and talents to come together in unprecedented ways.

Become one who cultivates talent in others. It will enrich your life and supercharge your career.

Credit: Bruce Kasanoff

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130516122628-36792-the-best-talent-is-bringing-out-talent-in-others?trk=li_tw_0513_bruce_talent&sf13010816=1

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