Rule number two, and one I’ve learnt the hard way. I’ve just come out of a pretty long, pretty serious relationship. Now, the problem with that is that you expect the next guy to pick up exactly where you and the old guy were when you broke up. Start at square one. Remember he’s not in love with you (yet). Remember he doesn’t know all your stories. Remember this is new territory, and you, even you, are a whole new person.
I have had more failure than successes and one of the main reason(Okay, fine, there were 200 main reasons!) has always been that I was stuck in the past. Well, one can’t be entirely blamed. You are used to a certain person, a certain routine. You are so set in this life you have built, that it’s hard to come out of it, harder even to see what you’re doing-what you end up doing is essentially replace the old guy with a new guy, in the same old world.
I always thought I was same with everyone. I am not. With certain people, I feel safe enough to be myself, with a few, I am fake, with others I am guarded and controlled, but genuine. With a certain few, I am toned down and sobered down, essentially, not genuine not even fake (You get the worse deal rabbit). With a few, very few, I am weird and nuts and totally uninhibited (I think you’ll love me like this, I like myself like this too).
You are a different person with each friend/colleague/acquaintance in your life. And if you think back, you were a different person with every guy you were with (or girl). Each love was different. You can not expect the same love! You have to let the new world unfold in its own time and in its own unique way. But you get into a new relationship, and you end up expecting same answers for your questions, you expect same gestures, same emotional responses, heck, you behave and talk the same way too! It’s really stupid, but I believe it is something quite natural. You expect your new world to be the exact copy of the previous one. Cause you don’t know anything else any more, you have forgotten any other way.
I think the solution to this is that you take time off. Don’t get into a new relationship unless you have given yourself enough time to recover. “Enough” can vary from person to person, I normally take atleast a year(Yea I know!), a friend I know takes 2 months (How cool!). But never rush! You are going to end up hurting yourself and worse, the new person, who doesn’t deserve the burden of your baggage. No one does. Not even you.
This is for a friend who wants to move on. Take time off. With love, you’ll find old memories at every corner if you want to and aren’t they just so painful? And what you end up doing is look for a band-aid. D, you’re young and beautiful and smart and funny. And you deserve so much more! Take time off. Go see new places, meet new people, talk to strangers, read, cook new food, dance, sing…laugh. Do all that till you forget how your old world looked like. Then go out and make a new life.
Now if only someone had told me all this 5 years back! 😐