I absolutley hate the fact that I get so emotional and tear up when I’m extremely upset. For instance, when I get confronted by my boss at work who’s a real *****, I would love to be strong and stick by my words and say exactly what I am feeling in a calm intelligent manner, but instead I wind up trying to fight back tears because she does not give me a chance to respond and it drives me insane!
The last time she confronted me over the dummest thing, I went back to my desk and tried really hard to hold it together and breathe so that I could face her again, but the tears started streaming. I work in a Bank at the front desk, so clients are always coming and going and I cannot allow myself to be seen all upset, so I quickly wipe my tears and suck it up. But then along comes the boss again to have another “talk” and there go the tears again. I turn away from her so she won’t see, but its pretty obvious.
What upsets me is that I let people see that side of me instead of being the strong-minded person I know I am. It’s a sign of weakness and I don’t want to be that person, but i’ve always been that way since i was a child. I try to calm down, but by that time my drive to really say what’s on my mind is gone. That is just one situation, there are many more. How can I say what’s on my mind without sheading a tear and letting people think they have some kind of power over me or that they have won because they have managed to belittle me. I need help.