We can do what we want. We can be what we can. We can feel as we do. What about me, you ask? I always miss you…
I like it better when I get to see those pretty eyes looking back at me. I like it better when I can hear that piercing laugh. I love it when you touch my shoulders and rub your hands on my back. I hate it when I have to miss those things. I hate it.
I like the fact that we don’t agree on everything. I like the fact that I am so fixated on parts of your body you had previously been self-conscious about. I hate that I have to now miss those aspects.
I love the thought and feeling of you missing me the same. I hate that I wonder about it. I hate that my fears and insecurity has over-taken me and I can’t do anything but miss you…because I am me. I had you, I had us. It was in my hands, in my arms, and in front of my face. Now, I get to miss it, and more importantly, miss you. Always.
I hope with everything I have left inside of my body, that you feel the same way. Missing the coffee, the laughing at my “off the cuff” comments, my words, voice, kiss, touch…or whatever it is that you may miss of me. Just feel the same way or something similar and I will be…yeah. *sigh*
Where will you be? I don’t know. Will you call and tell me what I so desperately want to hear? Only you know. Where will I be? I can’t tell you that. What will I be doing? Who knows…but it will involve me, missing you. I can be using the restroom and viola! Miss you. Talking to my friends, and bam! Missing you.
I will try disappear and numb it all out, but rest assured, I will be missing you and thinking of a comeback, some magic words, and you and I together again, as we should and need to be. Siempre.
These are not just words.
Update March 26th: Since I have been back in US, the want for her and us is even more intense than I thought. I am not dealing with it well, who would? I have had to do some self inventory and I like what I have come up with. Just a chance to show and prove is what I need. Like I need air. I am missing you on a Sunday morning and don’t know what to do or how to go about things. I miss my baby. All alone again, and realizing that you came into my world just when I had begged God (even I do it sometimes) to send me someone. Someone to love and love me, talk to me, miss me and want me. There you were! It was the best feeling.
I miss running my hands through your hair and pulling you close. I am missing rubbing your feet at night before bed. I am missing your scent, because it was a small slice of heaven to my senses. Your touch was/is magical. I miss hearing “Papi” come out of your mouth. I miss the way you taste. The way you ran yours hands down my back. (the back things is really important) I miss the way we talk to each other. Standing in the kitchen and being flirty…heaven. I really miss looking at your face and knowing you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I know you felt it when I looked at you like that. It is real, and these are not just words. I miss you…waiting and sitting here, I miss you. I am in hell at the moment, and realize that I made this mess…again. Don’t quit on me. I am here and ready…I always miss you, and I want to come home and not have to miss you anymore. Darn it…